my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
