I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
