I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
