I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
