best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
