omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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