I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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