This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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