why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
