Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
