I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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