I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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