I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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