I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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