I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize