they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
