I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
