Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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