just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
