When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
