I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize