so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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