Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
