Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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