Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
