My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
