just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
