just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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