i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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