Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Terrible idea I love it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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