I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
