He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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