plz talk dirty to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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