tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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