hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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