it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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