I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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