When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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