I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
