hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize