One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
