Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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