Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
