Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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