After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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