I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
