Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
