hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
