gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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