I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
