at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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