just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
