Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
