I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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