You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
