i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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