you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
