They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I want a musical about memes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
