LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
