Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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