I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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