I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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