I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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