Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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