I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
