glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
