Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
