i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize